Over the past two weeks I have gone through numerous emotions - emotions of joy and emotions of sadness. Ultimately asking myself questions that I never thought I would have to ask myself before. I cried out of anger and I cried simply just to cry. I felt needy and I felt giving and yet nothing and everything seemed to help or leave me at bay. I wanted to be held and I also wanted to not be touched at all. I felt like I had done everything correct and yet felt like I had done nothing right at all. What to do, what to do, what to dooooooooooooooooooooo.
My nephew - Deyton Kash Sorenson - lived 5 days long. Five glorious, stressful, exciting, sad, spiritual, void, filled with emotion, nothing left to give, blessing bountiful days. These days I sadly only got to participate in via pictures and testimonials, these days I only dream I could have been more a part of.
I had the blessing of arriving to Saint George, Utah - on the night prior to my nephew Deyton's funeral - I humbly was asked to sing for my nephews funeral, a song that I honestly LOVE, called FACE TO FACE. In rehearsal the morning of the funeral I was a WRECK, trying to sing a song about seeing God's face and the face of those we loved who we have lost again. A song of recognition that there is life after death. I would open my mouth and begin SOBBING uncontrollably - thinking of my Sister, Brother-in-law and nephew and just wishing things had been different or at least wishing that I had the blessing of seeing him and meeting him when he was here. I was a mess. Yet, as the time came for me to sing the song for my nephew and family - I was oddly blessed with something greater than I and gained not only the strength but yet the courage to sing this song on behalf of my nephew. A power - I cannot explain or try to express in words - a power or spiritual opportunity offered to me - for the benefit of those that would hear. I love god - I love the spirit and I am forever grateful for the opportunities and chances that I am given to be blessed with these experiences. BECAUSE IT WAS NOT MY OWN STRENGTH THAT HELD IT TOGETHER. It was beautiful to behold.
I am so proud to be a Wright and associated to my family tree - they are amazing people with the strength and will to survive - The death of my nephew was hard - but I am a better or more spiritual person due to this experience. And I give credit to that acknowledgement to God and with the help of little Deyton.
To all who have been a part of my life and continue to be a part of my life - My Family, Michael F., Sarah B., Nyle C., Alison F., and all the rest of my friends. Thank you!
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6 comments:
What a beautiful post Rance! I can't even begin to imagine the pain you, your family & sister and BIL have experienced through this loss. I am feeling the life growing inside of me and can't imagine letting it go back to heaven 5 days after arriving. Tears stream down my face as I think of the hurt but it also makes me grateful for the gospel. I have been thinking of you and your family a lot and pray for you to all be able to heal. I bet your musical number was perfect. I wish I could have been there. I am so glad you were able to come home and attend that funeral. I am sure it meant the world to your family.... Love you!!
Oh Rance, you and Shane sounded unbelievable! I was out in the foyer of course with Cooper, but as soon as I heard you two singing, I had to go back into the chapel!! I was so glad that I got to see you although I wish it would've been under different circumstances. Krystal and Derek are amazing and I look up to them so much. Baby Deyton left a huge impression on my life. I'm so thankful for family!!
On a less serious note, when I told my girls that you lived in NYC, the first thing they asked was if you had seen the Statue of Liberty and if Lady Liberty was tall?? Funny kids!!
Love Ya,
Jillynne
Love ya Rance... great post and you did awesome singing! :)
I am so Proud of you and I know how hard it is to lose a child. I find it amazing that no matter what trials in life we have to experience. Heavenly Father always comes through and gives us the strength we need. You are blessed to write so eloquent! Hope I spelled that right. You speak from the heart. I am so thankful that you were able to be with your family. How amazing you could sing the song. Blessed you are to recognize the hand of god in all things. I am so thankful to the gospel. Thankful to you and greg for being great missionaries are sharing it with me. It will take some time to heal. Your sister and her husband will. Your family will. You are sweet rance and I know your family feels the same as you. Proud to be a part of the Wright Family! Love you!
The Wright family IS the best. I've learned so much from your mom, and have loved watching your family for so many years. Any conversation with a Wright means a good time. I'm follow Rachelle's blog, and have read her emotions. It's so rare for a guy to be able to express his so well. That's cool.
BTW...Happy Freaking Birthday as I write this. I was going to FB you. But then I noticed you have about 600,000 friends, and I didn't want to get lost in the rough. Happy Birthday! Live it up.
Thank you everyone for your comments - very kind of you to say! LOVES!
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