Remembering 2008 - Moving Forward in 2009

Happy New Years Everyone (from NEW YORK CITY)....

Over this past year...2008...I have had the time to ponder quite a bit.  To ponder things like why me?  Why now?  And for some odd reason I also questioned things such as How could I?  This is so not me?  All of these items participating in what I would have to say was one of the most enlighting years of my life.  Never have I felt so less of myself and so humbled by life experiences than I did over this past year.  If there is a year that I could choose to forget....I hate to say it....but it would have to be 2008.  Mainly because I found myself in such a destroying relationship...and because of this relationship I found myself in scenerio's that I have never found myself in before.  There were many beautiful things about 2008...such as my call-backs for Jersey Boys and Spamalot (thank you Tara Rubin Casting)...my vacation with my family in Hawaii....my brother Ryan's and Sister in Law's Mandy's  visit in September....my mothers visit in October...and the wonderful holidays spent with my New York City family...the Gilmores.   Besides that....eh, 2008 was ok...like I said...I would rather forget the bad of 2008...and move onto what the potential of 2009 has to offer.

My New Year celebration was spent with my Bestest Friend in the whole wide world....SARAH BYRNE...and let me tell you something...it doesnt matter how long I haven't seen that amazing women....we always have a great time.  We joined the Gilmores(also some of my amazingfriends) up in Harlem (neighbors of mine of course) and shared in the festivities with them.  I love Mormon holidays....their is such an innocence to the way that Mormon's get down and dirty on New Years.   I love every moment of it.

(A year ago...I didnt h ave the pleasure of celebrating my new years....I spent it arguing/frustrated with some *%&%*($(%*(^%&%*  of a person...oddly I don't remember this persons name...or rather I try not to remember their name....Thank GOD a year has passed...and that I was able to celebrate in great company the new year...perhaps there is something to be said about how the luck of your year begins on the the New Years Eve...last year mine sucked....as did the following year.  This years NEW YEARS EVE rocked....hmm...I can only guess what my new year has to offer...hahaha.  (Knock on wood)).

I love my family...I love my friends....I love my amazing roomies  (I mean that you guys...you two seriously make me laugh/cry..and make me happy)...I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life...who reach out in an effort to help and build me up...I hope in some way I am able to return that favor.  Thank you!  

2009....It is our time to SHINE!

Speaking to my MOM - Forgiveness, Mike Davids - Merry Christmas Potluck

I love the holidays....I love my family.  I oddly enough haven't spoken to my family yet today...I have sent text messages like crazy...but haven't spoken to them...that will happen momentarily.  

And yes I have not been speaking for over 5 hours...I actually spoke to my MOM for a hot 30 minutes and then found myself accompaning an old boss of mine...Mike Davids to a Christmas Dinner to go over some things that we needed to resolve.  It was amazing how a business dinner could turn out to be such a delight.  But this one was just that.  

I am grateful to my parents for teaching me an understanding of love and compassion towards others regardless of the state that you find yourself in.  Whether they have done something bad to you or not...there should always be a place of forgiveness for that particular individual...mainly because we dont know the trouble that they found themselves in.  Mike does try...he doesn't always do things perfect...but in the end..he really does try to have a good heart and mind about everything...and that is one of the main reasons that I have stayed friends with him...regardless of what he may have done to me in the past.

I want everyone to know that the Potluck was a wonderful success and I am so thankful to everyone that was a part in it.  It really came down to good friends...great food...and an all around successful event.  Not everyone was able to show up...but that was ok for me.  Thank you on this Christmas day for being a part of my life...I am so grateful for your friendship and kindness.

Again..it is now so late in the morning..and I am not even sure if this makes any since...however...I am happy...and grateful that the day has turned out so great.
Merry Christmas Everyone....xoxoxo

NYC Christmas Potluck Dinner (is ready!) - Dinner with Jose - Merry Christmas from NYC

So I totally haven't even fallen asleep yet...I wonder why...I totally stayed in bed till like 2pm today...oy!  Not cool!  Eh, its the holidays...what can I say?  Right?  

So I just sent out my invites for the potluck dinner on Christmas day...and I am really excited about it (By the way if you haven't gotten an invite...just assume that you are welcome and ask me for details..and I will get them to you...and what you have to bring!) There will be a lot of friends and close personal friends that will be there and some I have never met...so it should be a lot of fun.  I haven't yet got a YES from my roommate if he will be joining us...but I am sure he is well aware that he is more than welcome to join in on the festivities...I mean this is his place...and he is a lot of fun anyway.  (Steve...sorry to hear about the flight....that sucks...but hey...your here in the city...and that is cool for me..hahaha).

I cooked dinner this evening and had the wonderful suprise of my not to distant neighbor - Jose S.  joining me for the meal.  The Chicken was a little dry this time...but other than that the meal and the company...including the movie were quite a delight.  Again...there are friends...and then there are FRIENDS...Thank you Jose for being such a wonderful friend.

I have to get to sleep...my next two days are filled with lots of work...and so I must get to bed..so I can go and work out tomorrow..and be ready for that funfilled excitement.  Yeah...I am working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after Christmas...oh the joys of responsibility.

Everyone...if I dont get back to you...Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS.  xoxoxo.

Restless - Santa Claus is Me - Christmas Brunch (dinner?)

Oh great...it is 2:45am in the morning and guess who is up...yes peeps...I have done it again...I find myself going to bed at 11pm, It gets all warm and nice in bed...and wouldn't you know it...I find myself wide awake around 230am.  lol.  This has to be some horrible joke that my body is playing on me...it really must be.  Aarrggghhh.

Perhaps it is also my brain running a thousand miles an hour...with all of the upcoming events and businesses that I am currently attaching myself to...(the problem with a brain that simply will not slow down...is you find yourself up at now 3:00am and trying to continue working on different projects and such.  I guess this could be one of the benefits of being somewhat alone during the holidays is I do have the enjoyment of getting a lot of stuff done....I guess.)  When these companies come through and are plentiful you will hear more about them in the blog...but until that time...I will be keeping them somewhat on the downlow as I need to have a little bit of privacy in the process.  All that one needs to know is that "The Wright Agency" will be a flourishing company in 2009...and gratefully to some amazing friends who have desired to lend a helping hand.  I just need to stay on top of this baby...so it doesnt lose steam over the next 6 months...for that will be the time that it makes its largest step forward.  Oh the joys of starting a company during this recession.

So this year I am finding that I will be Santa Claus to myself...yes it is true...Rance Wright is Santa Claus not only to himself...but potentially to some of his friends as well.  (They should be made aware...that if I am Santa...they aint getting much more than a 15 dollar gift for Christmas) 

So this brunch that is happening on Christmas day...will be happening a little bit later than I had originally hoped for...but that is because I will be working the morning of Christmas..yeah you heard right...I am working on Christmas morning.  I am helping some rich folk...enjoy their Christmas morning...oh the life!  lol.

I am heading to bed...Hope your evening of sleep has been more restful than mine.  Nighty Nite.

Tom...the warrior - Christmas Brunch

So it is Monday morning...2:53am...I am sitting here with a dear friend - Tom - we just had an evening of fun and enjoyment...laughing, crying...and well more laughing. I really do not want to be alone during the holiday season...so Tom has offered a listening ear and a body of protection against....what else....the darn mice that seem to infest my life wherever I may be. (Yes, I have a scary ability to catch those darn buggers in the most oddest of places). So, Tom, the brave person that he is...is offering himself as a warrior against these buggers that dare to harm me....arrrggghhh! lol. Tom, like myself, is in the Theater arts and finds that his only fear in life is not winning the Tony by 2014....I seriously thought that was my year but will allow him this glory if he takes care of those darn villians...aka: the mice. ps: Tom is an amazing cook...in case anyone was wondering.

Over the past couple of days I have really tried my hardest to reach out to friends...friends that perhaps over the past while may find themselves in not the greatest of places. Let us be honest...we all have been there...and often I find it as a reacurring theme in my life. And regardless of whether I have the funds or not to help someone else it is a part of me to make sure that they are happy. So my plan during this holiday season is to have a Christmas Brunch to celebrate the Christmas holidays...a pot luck of sorts with friends who may be without...or may not even so much as have the ability to cook at their own place. If there is one thing that I can offer to friends...it is food...I may not have much more in life...but I can offer that. Yippee for food... (ps: If you have any great Christmas brunch meals...please email them to wrightran@gmail.com subject: Christmas brunch.)

So I took a tylenol pm about an hour ago...not really an hour...but it is close enough...and anything that would have been interesting at that time...clearly has exited my brain. Oy...I am tired...and drowssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

So off to sleep what more of the night I have available to me...tomorrow I have a busy day planned...a lot of good. Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays so far.

Merry Christmas in NYC - ALONE?!?!?

Merry Christmas in NYC - Alone...I think???

The other day I had the opportunity to talk with my mother....which hasn't happened in a very long time. My mother is one of my dearest friends in the world..and because of me choosing to take a stand on something that my family didn't agree with I now feel such a distance from all of them. I love my family...I love them with all of my heart and that will never change.

As I was speaking to my mother I could hear the hurt in her voice...it saddened me...for now a conversation on what seperates us will and must be something that will be discussed in the future. I understand why my family believes the way they do...I love them for that...it is our religious beliefs that I continue to find that centers me and brings me peace.

I have questioned often where my religious understanding is...am I truly religious...or am I simply just walking the path. That is my goal this upcoming year...to search that out for myself..and truly find peace....if it is possible in my life.

So....due to financial difficulties...sadly I am finding myself in a bind...and have decided that I will be staying home during the holidays. It is a difficult time for all of us...no matter where you are in this world. And because it is easier to stay here in the city and work and make money...I am choosing to do so. Will I be spending it alone...who knows....probably not...I most likely wont even realize that I am missing out on the holidays...since I will be working both Christmas eve and Christmas morning - LUCKY ME!

I plan on getting back to this blog before Christmas actually happens...however, if I do not...I just want to wish each everyone a Happy Holidays...and for those who are jewish...Happy Hannuka today.

Saturday night, a night with Jose Simbulan - Carnegie Hall/New York Philharmonic present Bernstein: The Best of All Possible Worlds - Landmarc

It is Saturday night...I am sitting on my bed...in a black dress shirt, Hugo Boss Black Biker Boots (yeah...I said it), and Banana Republic dark blue jeans (Yeah I didit again...name calling).  And you know what...I am totally enjoying my evening.  I am relaxed after an wonderful night of music, dinner, conversation with the roomies...and silence...yeah...silence.  All I really hear right now is roommates spoon hitting his bowl of cereal as background noice.  I mean it really could be much worse than that....most times I am listening to the sounds of the Caribean.  So if all I am getting right now is Steve's spoon clicking his bowl...I am ok. 

This evening I was invited by my friend Jose S. to accompany him to Carnegie Hall to enjoy the New York Philharmonic present Bernstein: The Best of All Possible Worlds.  It was great to listen to the music of a legend.  A legend who crossed such a variety of sounds...but kept to his unique style in each one of them.  While at the Boston Conservatory we devoted a complete year to his music and shows...I was lucky enough to be in both of the Staged productions - Candide and Wonderful Town.  The following year we did Andrew Lippa's "Wild Party" and I was so grateful to be a part of that show as well.  Anyway...back to Bernstein - lol - The evening was an amazing success from Susan Graham and Rod Gilfry to Rocardo Morales, Jeremy Denk and Robert Spano....it truly was magnifique.  

Then following the evening...already in a blissful peace...I accompanied Jose to Landmarc at Columbus Cirlce where we had dinner and conversation....ummmm my chicken sandwich was beyond decicious...the atmosphere was amazing...and well...the music selection rang out the right tunes over and over.  Jose and I were laughing and moving to the sounds and beats of the night you could say.  And that is what brings me joy...you can hang with friends...and then you can HANG WITH FRIENDS... love me some Jose!

Anyway....it is time for bed..and I have got to get some beauty sleep...I will try and blog tomorrow.  

Night ya all!

MICE!!! This is WAR!

ps: We have mouse/rat poison, traps, etc....you name it...we got it.  And quess what....the mouse just ran across in front of my feet...as if I didnt exist...WTF?  Really... this is war people...serious war.   I dont want to sleep here alone anymore...Brookie...Stephen....dont leave me alone in my room...You guys...are you out there?  

Christmas in NYC? - Jose - Thanks!!!

So it is 1:33am in the morning...I am sitting here in NYC while the tempature is well below freezing. I feel the coldness oddly enough because the cold is finding its way into my room and on my sheets...and in my bed....brrrr...its freezing people....and I hate the cold.  Luckily my bed has the fabric that warms up during the winter and cooler during the summer.  I sort of lucked out with my bed...I will be honest!  hahaha!  Its pretty amazing!  I am an amazing guy...with an amazing bed...I have amazing roommates....I have a career I love.  What more could I ask for? Christmas in NYC perhaps?  HAHAHA...no...sadly...that option vanished when I suggested it to my mother this afternoon.   She said it would be to difficult for my sister (Rachelle) and her husband to bring all of the kids gifts and I guess I can see that.

Seriously though...how cool would it be to be in NYC on Christmas.  It is totally a time of giving...and enjoyment...You have the city that expresses Christmas to its fullest...and your in one of the most amazing and powerful cities in the world.  Christmas and New Years in NYC is nothing to bark at...it just is that wonderful.  And how much cooler would that be to spend it with my family...whom I love.  I will instead be spending it at home in St. George, Utah where I have spent a majority of my Christmas's growing up.  I love it there...I love my family...so I guess as long as I am with them..it should be amazing.

*But it would be kind of amazing to be in NYC on Christmas*

Anyway, I went for dessert with this amazing friend of mine - Jose.  And we talked about a lot of crazy things...the most important thing to know about all of this...is that we were completely happy to just be sittin and chattin each others face off.  Its those friends who care about you...that come out of the woodwork to help make a difference in your life...and Jose did that for me today.  Thanks Jose.

This weekend was also pretty spectacular...and again I have to thank my friends for reaching out a helping hand.  I do not take for granted the kindness that is continually offered and shared with me.  I am forever grateful for the generosity and love of others...and hope that I am able to return that favor.  Randy, Rory, Steven, Brooke, John and Tom all were such amazing friends this weekend - Thank you.  

A special thanks to Brian D'Arcy James and his wife Jen who were such great sports in offering Rebecca Holt Gilmore and myself tickets to see his show on Broadway.  "Shrek, the Musical", if you haven't taken the time to see Brian...I suggest you all save your pennies...and watch the brilliance that is Brian D'Arcy James.  

I have given a lot of thanks to others today...but I really am in that place right now.  I am happy...so in my happiness I desire to give of what I can give right now...that is my heart.  I am at peace...and peace is what I truly want from life.  With so much around us that is unstable...finding peace with ourselves is really something that I treasure.  Thank god for peace...Thank god for friends...Thank god for family...Thank god for life.  

Talk at ya laterz!

Shrek review...finally! - Working with Evan Haile on Music - NYC Love...a joke?

Wow...I am really suprised sometimes who views my blog...I mean I like to think that people really do care what I have to say in life...but sometimes the sad reality is...its just me that observes this blog on a continous basis...or I like to think so. UGH...I really should have a censor on my writing...right?  lol.  

So I had a dear friend this morning (I am keeping names and people anonymous...for the pure fact that I should) who told me that my blog yesterday was a bit aggressive and that I should tame it down in regards to Shrek, The Musical.  And then I was like...hmmm...this person is correct...but as I was observing many of the other blogs and reviews that were already given out about the show...I didn't really see anything that I had previously written (mind you I edited my words from yesterday...to say what it currently says) as harmful to those in the cast or different informatively then anything that was said before my review of the show.  

So I have decided to write my feelings...but I do so with caution...also with the hopes that some of these faults/hopeful corrections can be looked at before the official opening of the show.   Mainly because...it really does have such great potential to be a long running show...which could potentially give me work during its run.   sidenote:  What I referenced in yesterdays blog...is really true...the leads of this show..and the cast in general is superb...my corrections come with the technical and some of the staging of the show.

1.  The Dragon - I dont understand why the 3 ladies are in front of the dragon while the dragon is speaking...seriously...it doesn't make any since...and we as an audience...lose the dragon as a whole...it sort of destroys the purpose of the DRAGON.   Also...if I remember right there was a little more interaction between the Dragon and Shrek in the movie - all I remember seeing was a tail-less Dragon running around the stage...and Shrek, Donkey and the Princess running away..and never really truly confronting the Dragon.  (I am sure this has been a huge issue through the rehearsal proces and I am not assuming that I know the answer to this all...but seriously if it is not cleaned up somehow...that scene will be a major joke at the opening and commented about throughout the reviews here in NYC).  Some things that could help with the tail of the dragon..is maybe attatching it to the head... and different choreography there...because as an audience..your not sure if the tail is part of the place where the princess is being held..or if it is the Dragon...just a thought.

2. In the story of the musical arent we missing a storyline...the prince and his mother the fairy godmother?  I know it is already a long show...but I was like...hmmm....that part of the show...which in the movies...is a major part of the 2nd and 3rd movie...is totally left out in the musical!?!?!  Obviously it is now to late to write those characters in...but if I noticed it...I am sure my little nieces and nephews are going to notice it as well.  

That is really all I remember at this moment...and will definetely be the last that I openly write about it...but I want to say again...I laughed my face off at times....so it is obviously an enjoyment to see the show live.  Hopefully a couple of these things are looked at and corrected before the official opening of "Shrek, The Musical" on Broadway happens.

I had the wonderful pleasure today to spend time with Evan Haile's...a dear friend of mine.  I had the pleasure of running through some of my music that I am familiar with and trying to find my voice again.  It was great to work with someone who is so direct with me...and believe me...I need direct...I need someone who is my friend...but not affraid to throw things in my face when it obviously is not working for a song or needs to be corrected.  A lot of things I knew...but that is the beauty of working with someone like Evan...is he reminds you of your talents...and what you should be doing.  I look forward to getting back with James Javore as well...because while working with Evan I realized how much my Legit voice was not there....it was a little shocking to me.  I can do rock and pop in my sleep...but to sing "If I LOVED YOU" with legato...I was physically commenting during my song...and that just hasn't happened in a long time.  Lessons with James will place me back in my voice....I cannot wait.

Now onto another subject...and please feel free to comment on this...Why in NYC is love so dispossable...seriously...I get frustrated at how replaceable I am (yeah sure...some will say I am irreplaceable...which I love hearing...but its not the truth sadly)  I get asked out...and go out all the time...with friends and potential dates...but I am coming to realize...that perhaps single is the right thing for me in my life right now.  Its amazing how much a relationship throws me off of my game or my center (as a dancer would say)...and how I lose track for a short while of my goal at hand.  Perhaps I should work on my career...stay single...and then when I am more settled in my career...pursue a relationship if life affords me one at that time.  Eh, it just a thought..but oddly enough I think about it a lot.  My last relationship was such a mess for me...and somewhat destroyed a lot of what I believed in love (wow...Madonna's song just came into my head...eeek! Anyway)...single is the way for me.  

Perhaps...my career...and religion...are my relationships for now...and I am ok with that.

Again..I am up way to late in the morning...I need to go to bed....yikes...I have a gig tomorrow at 330pm...I have got to get to bed!  Nite everyone...talk at ya later!

"Shrek, The Musical" - Mike Davids and not getting paid - Looking forward

So I was sitting alone on my butt..doing nothing when my friend Rebecca Holt Gilmore called me and says - under her breath - "I have tickets for Shrek...wanna go with me".   I asked her why she was speaking under her breath...and then in the background I heard little Ruby (her daughter)  and just figured that her children probably wanted to see the show...soooo as not to make a scene...she was speaking so only I could hear her.  

I have my opinions on the show...if you care to know...ask me personally....Brian D'arcy James was without a doubt one of the better parts of the show.  Sutton Foster and He really make the show a success.   And his ability to become Shrek...well...is quite brilliant.  Congrats

Observing shows like this really makes me want to be a part of the creative teams on Broadway...that bug has always been such a major part of who I am.  One thing at a time....I keep telling myself....one thing at a time.  

I am in the process of looking for another job....working for Mike Davids of Special Productions has become somewhat of a joke....He owes me so much money right now....and is just simply ignoring my contact...or requests to be paid.  So I guess this friendship...and crap that I had to go through on his behalf meant nothing obviously...and that the many hours of work for him....was done for the pure pleasure of him gainging money?   I went through HELL...no joke...working on a project for him in P.A.  and also a show that was suppose to happen in South Dakota - Aberdeen...and wouldnt you know that I still havent been paid for them.  What kind of person do you have to be...especially during the holiday...to not pay your staff?  Its so inconsiderate...and hurtful.   He creates random companies...goes by different names...creates new emails...runs away from  people...and does this all because he feels that it is ok.    My belief is what goes around...comes around.    I am thinking of sitting with 15 other people...and talent outside his apartment until he comes out and speaks to us.    Yes....we are planning on camping outside his place.

Anyway...life is difficult right now...as far as doing the day to day things....mainly because of Mike not paying me.  When that is resolved....life will be a little easier...and my focus on auditions and shows...will be easier.  

I look forward to a new year...to spending time with my family...to being single - I enjoy hanging around friends...friends who are supportive and caring....I love my Photography Train crew....miss them actually.  

I am having Breakfast with NYLE CAISLEY...so I better head to bed soon.

Woke up late - Work...oy! - MICE!!! - Sick/Sleeping

Today I found myself sleeping until 2pm....who does that?  I went to bed early...and yet couldnt find myself able to get up earlier than that time.  What?  Who does that?  Obviously I do.  I guess I really needed the sleep...thank heavens I didn't have work today. 

Speaking of work...I have been working for an individual and as of recently have found myself begging him to pay me.  I have worked the hours...and performance weekends...and yet I am struggling to get a hold of him to be paid.  It sort of sucks...because it is the holidays...and well you want to be spending time with family and such...and at the rate of him not responding...WHICH IS NEVER...I am now inching by.  Sometime's I wonder why I don't have a 9-5 job...wouldn't life be so much easier?

So as I am writing this post...a little mouse just tried to run into my room.  I am sorry...I can stand just about anything...but that little bugger scares the crap out of me...I am hyper-ventilating right now.  UGH!  Seriously...if anyone has any advice as to how I can get rid of mice...I have tried everything...and still taking advice.  This is also one of the down sides to NYC - The mice are in the walls...and it is difficult to get rid of...but I am working my hardest to make sure they don't continue to live in the same apartment as I.  ewww.  Just saw it again...what the CRAP!!!

I have been sick over the past couple of days...sleeping lots...but am finally feeling better today.

Wow...just hit that tired feeling...yeah I am up at 3:44am and should already be asleep....but when you wake up at 2pm in the afternoon..I guess your timing gets all messed up.

Thanksgiving holiday

Wow, when I take breaks from things...I really take breaks....the last time I wrote on this was earlier in the week.  Not good...not good.  

So much has happened over the past couple of days...

First off I had the pleasure of sharing my Thanksgiving day with my dear friend Rebecca Holt and her family (the Gilmores).  What an amazing family...with hearts of gold.  They welcomed me with open arms into their home to share in the happiness that Thanksgiving day brings.  Along with the Gilmores were their extended family - also a pleasure.  After the Thanksgiving meal I found myself a quite spot to lay back and sleep for about an hour....a tradition I learned a couple of years ago.  Every year my family usually sits around the table and expresses to the rest of the family what we are grateful for...well the Gilmore's also offered that same tradition.  Usually with my family it ends up being one big sob fest...well with the Gilmore's it was different....oddly enough I was the only one crying out of control - seriously, OUT OF CONTROL.  I expressed to everyone the joys of the gospel of Jesus Christ and regardless of where you are in this world the gospel brings us together  in ways that no one can express.  And though I wasn't with my family during the holiday season it was wonderful to be with people and friends whom I know love me and who care.

The rest of the weekend I found myself just relaxing around the house and finding new and different projects that I could get myself attached to....

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving holiday was as wonderful as mine....

Talk at you later!

funny commericial

This video makes me laugh..you have to watch it all the way through to enjoy it! lol! Have fun!

Friday night - Safe?!?

I am sitting at home on a Friday night....wondering what it is I should do....I find myself somewhat taken by the weeks events...and the people I have met...and ponder upon the idea of just sitting this Friday out. I know where many of my friends and family are...safe. And wonder if walking outside the below freezing temperatures here in NYC is really a smart idea.

Nah, the idea of venturing outside...actually exhausts me...and I know that tomorrow is filled with excitement...so I will stay in...because its safest for me to do so. Safe...for many reasons unknown.

Voices to my blog - Auditions - Roommates - Gavin Degraw

So I had to get off the subject of Prop 8 for this post....I just needed a break...as I am sure we all did. There has been so much effort right now across the board on both sides of the issue...and for a moment I will let them speak loudly and let my voice - for a moment - slip into the background.

It was shocking to me who became voices to my blog...I mean less than a month ago my blog was only viewed by a few friends and family...but as of recently I was getting emails and blog posts and sightings by some pretty influential people, magazines and news stations who desired to know how one in the middle of this subject was experiencing the heat of it all. It was fun to post...and yet it was very emotional as well.

I found myself being asked in the middle of major auditions what my standing on the whole subject was - I was suprized because I didn't think it really mattered how I felt...or how I went about my daily life....but for some odd reason it mattered to these people. Is it fair? Should people be judged because of the way they believe...whether they support or do not support a certain way of life or thought? Is it anyones right to push one to believe one way or the other? My belief is very simple...it is not the right of anyone individual or group...whether you agree or disagree with a certain way of life....to push your belief system and thought process upon another group.

I have had the pleasure of finding two amazing roommates...Brooke and Steven. Last night we had the opportunity of re-arranging the front room (I believe this is because Steven and Brooke were watching the home improvement station) and found a new way to put all of my things...hahaha. I love living with people who can make you laugh and not take life so seriously...it is wonderful to find true friends in your roommates. Thanks guys....for everything.

This week I had the opportunity to find the piano music for Gavin Degraw...and will begin rehearsing his music with my music coach. I cannot wait to audition with this music...it is about time I have found something new to sing.

To all my faithful followers to my blog....I love you to pieces....please feel free to respond...and to remark...it is your responses that makes my blog so dang interesting!

Rance

To those who hurt.

To both Bundy 6 pak and Alton Clan,

I am not searching for truth's...I found them in the church. My observation of members of the church here in NYC and many of my own cousins and relatives (who have given their support for my way of thinking) is that you can be an active member of the church and disagree with an action being taken. The leaders of our church - though prophets and apostles - are human as well.

Do not assume you know me...or that your way of thinking is ideal for me. You do not know where I came from...you do not understand my heart...you have not had to deal with my problems or issues in life...and you will not see death the same way.

The gospel of Jesus Christ...the gospel I hold dear to my heart...is not a gospel of hatred or hard feelings...or a gospel that should ever make one feel less than the very best. If it is...than we have all been fooled. Your thoughts and actions sadly have come across somewhat aggressive yourself...

I write on my blog to express to others my feelings....I am not searching...do not assume that...I honestly am suprised how so many people felt that...and people who obviously have never lived outside the community of the mormon church.

Do you want to know my honest feelings....I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to be True....but the people of the church and the community of the church... are some of the most hateful and hurtful people I have ever met - take it from someone who has lived both on the inside of that community and out.

First take a look at how you are perceived...don't assume that the way you present yourself is the most helpful...because honestly....it is not.

To all...my heart reaches out...I feel the pain that it is causing both the members of the church and to those who are gay. It hurts for both. Neither truly listening to the other...both simply just throwing up arms. Seriously... cant we all play on the field like civil children.

I wish you all the best....your friend,

Rance

Blogger: bundy 6 pak - and my response to her

This letter came from a wonderful blogger named - "bundy 6 pak" - thanks for your blog:

Hi, I came across your blog thru a mutual friend (aleisha black-she is awesome). Your words are heart felt on this matter and I like you was on the fence. See, here in AZ the vote to ban gay marriage (prop 1020 has passed. I was unsure how to vote until Elder Boyd K Packer spoke to the saints here and said very clearly that though the church does not engage in political matters, that this one was a morale one and he urged all of us to vote for prop 1020. So I did, as I am sure the saints did in CA.

My response to her:

Dear bundy 6 pak,

Thank you so much for kind words and thoughts. I feel like many...simply just took the advice of the the church leaders blindly without realizing that this effort rather than being a support for the Proclamation of the Family was going to feel, to the world, like a statement against the minority thus turning many against the church.Why? Because it is not ok for the church to be getting involved politically.

Due to Elder Boyd K Packer stating something..urging the members to vote one way on this political matter... because of him doing this...it is now ok for the Government to tax the LDS CHURCH.

We are a country that believes in the separation of church and state...this matter should be left to the individual members of the church...to decide...and those who disagree should not feel shunned or persecuted for believing differently than the Priesthood leaders or the majority of those out west.

Blindly supporting a church...just because someone says so...is incorrect. I actually said a prayer about my decision...and feel confident that this is the right step for me - does that mean I am less of a member? Or not worthy? No. And yet I am receiving horrible words from many because I believe different than them.

Sounds like a majority - not you included - feel hatred towards me...rather than simply understanding my point of view...they are pushing me slowly to turn away from those teachings that I hold dear to my heart.

We can disagree with Prop 8 and still be strong members of the Mormon church...don't ever forget that.

I would hope that many of you out there have the opportunity to live next to a gay couple...get to know them...watch there daily life...how they support others...and give to their community. All they want...is the same rights you have as members of the church...to marry someone you love. (sure it may sound awkward to some - but oddly so did blacks in the priesthood and interracial marriage).

sidenote: Tomorrow across the country there will be a major movement at city halls...this is the beginning of a major Civil Rights movement - possibly one of the biggest ones since slavery. Why must a church, a country feel so differently about two things they both hold dear and sacred.

a thought: I was thinking...what if homosexuality was a religion? Do you think the Mormon church would present such a stance against this particular faith...since we are told to never force our religious faith or way of life upon other faiths? hmmm....just a thought.

Thank you Stacie

Thank you Stacie...

Stacie, The beautiful thing about blogging...is we can share our personal feelings so the world can read them. Your comments I support...and I respect.

As of lately I have had the opportunity to work with those dealing with HIV/AIDS, older gay couples who have been together for many many years...and because of an illness find their lives and years together limited. Due to this cause I see the hurt that we as a church our placing on these innocent people. All they desire is their rights as members of this country...nothing more and nothing less...and as such...I feel that it is important that I take a stand in support of their right...remember...I am not supporting their way of life...but their right as United States citizens. There will come a time when this law across the country will pass - we can not...as members of the Church of Jesus Christ...look like a people that support putting the minority down...what will we say at that moment...when all that is remembered of our faith was the fact that we fought against a movement supporting the minority(since we too find ourselves so often in that minority)...and the world then turns their hearts away from us and our teachings.

I do not look at this any longer as us standing for our own beliefs as a faith...that is what our first amendment right is to practice the way we desire...gays being allowed to marry will not take away that freedom...nor will they be allowed to marry in the temples...because that is the rights of the church to only allow worthy members of the church to attend the temple - that will not change. I also do not believe the lies that have been told about ...if we allow gay marriage then 1st graders will be taught homosexuality in our schools. I actually spoke with a teacher from MASSACHUSETTS who said that in the school system (since this is the location where they say it is being taught to first graders) - sexuality is not spoken of until the 7th grade. This lie that is being spread amongst the members to scare them is wrong. All of this hatred on both sides...needs to stop. It seriously does.

I dont hate you...and you dont hate me...I know that.

Thank you Stacie for your comment on my blog!

My head and heart hurt

Just so my family is aware at how much this is hurting me...it is 5:25am in the morning..I have not slept...and cannot sleep. My head and my heart hurts. My heart hurts because regardless of the fact that I stand for something I believe in...my family is taking it personally...when it was never my place to hurt or offend. I wish my family knew me well enough to know that regardless of my personal belief in something...my heart will always be grateful and proud of who and what my family is and stands for. They are my rock.

Rally Entry - 65th/Broadway - NYC Mormon Temple

It is 2:15am...Thursday morning...I am still awake...because I have found myself exhausted by everything that is taking place right now in my life, in this country...and seriously...in this city. Decisions and making a point about something that I feel should just simply be common sense...yet...I feel so much of the negativity.

About a week ago...I found myself shocked at some of the information that I was receiving...it shocked me because I felt that so much of what I had been raised to believe...love thy neighbor...was simply an action that was not being met by many of my friends. Now please...do not get all up in arms at that comment...I am just mentioning a very elementary subject that we have all been taught...the importance of not shunning or not finding faults in others. So I decided...regardless of my background...that Mormonism and the Civil Rights of others can walk hand in hand. And this is something I firmly believe...that people regardless of their religious or non-religious views have the right to believe and perform the way that they would like.

Members of the church need to realize that people are not throwing anger currently at them for believing the way they believe...people across the country are upset that members would support a cause (20 million dollars worth - from members alone) that supports hatred. Yes I understand the Proclamation of the Family and I have a testimony of it...that does not mean that it is ok for me...to dish out money towards a Civil - not Moral law...that would infringe on others rights to believe the way that they want. I have always felt that it was unjust for any person to force a belief or way of life on anyone else.

example: While I was on my mission in Detroit, MI...we came across two member of another faith...who also went two by two to share their message of their gospel. When they confronted my missionary companion and myself on the freeway walkover and began to tell me how wrong I was and that I was believing in a faith that was inappropriate...I silenced them and said "What I believe to be correct is true...and the spirit of the lord...does not dwell in a place of confrontation or in force. If you would like to discuss your church with us and we with you...I would be happy to sit down peacefully and discuss this...but to force your opinion upon me will only cause me to close my ears and my heart towards you." My companion...a greeny at the time...was shocked to my response to these two individuals.

2nd example: Another story from my mission...a lady by the name of Cleta McNoriel - 75 year old Catholic women...who had been taking lessons from the Missionaries for over 6 years was continually confronted with aggressive missionaries who demanded that she get baptized...and what a sin it was to keep dragging the missionaries along with in this way. When I moved into that area...I learned about her very quickly...and I wanted to meet her since she was high on the mission list of individuals that we wanted to help bring into the gospel. So I went and spoke with her...and listened to my companion who tore into her conversationally immediately upon our arrival. Once he was done speaking to her...I asked if I could say some words of comfort to her...and first to let her know that the Savior loved her. This decision was not something that she needed to jump into...and it is a decision that when she felt of the comforting feelings of the spirit she needed to move forward with. I did this with a soft heart...a heart that I could tell spoke to her soul. Not a heart of fear...or a heart of discomfort...but a heart of love. She could tell that...and wouldn't you know...after 6 years of talking to the missionaries...she asked me to baptize and confirm her a member of the church.

Friends...I share this...because this support of a proposition...though it opposes your personal belief system...is sending to the world...a message that is different than what you all think it should be sharing. Sadly it is sharing a message of force and hate. The church is not hate nor does it believe in force...I know that...I get that. But tell that to Joe Schmoe...and they do not get that nor do they desire to understand...they only see the actions being taken. (the money being donated...not your belief in the proclamation)

Today I went to the Rally that began at the Mormon temple on 65th and Broadway..and went down Broadway with over 20,000 people to Columbus Circle (the South/West corner of Central Park). I along with other members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...walked in support of a community that has been shunned for over 200 years. I cried at times...and screamed at times...because I felt like myself and many of the church members who were in support of this cause...also had to fight against those walking who were blaming the church for many things. Mind you...I am not a quiet mouth and spoke up everytime something in harm of the church was referenced...and I did so as a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

There are pictures of myself along with the members of the church who came out to support...along with thousands of others. I may post a picture of the members who were there...and felt proud to be both a member of the church...and a believer in this rally.

This was a peaceful rally...because this rally was not meant to place blame (especially because us members were there to filter a lot of their comments) but yet to make members aware that their message of donating money...is beginning to anger the majority of those across the country. This rally...was the NYC community stating that they do not approve of the action taken...by the members of the church.

Do you realize that a man who is Mormon was forced from his job...as Artistic Director - of Sacramento Music Circus...forced out by the Broadway Community. They found out that he supported with a 1,000.00 dollar donation to Prop 8 and the Broadway community (my profession) found this out...and took away his upcoming season from him. They asked him how he could justify putting some of the most racy productions in the past couple of years on stage...and hires a majority of those who deal with same sex attraction over his own faith...and yet voted against those he hired...so the Broadway, Equity community responded with a huge swipe against him.

People...wake up...please...this sort of action...is unnecessary...seriously...and as a member of the church..and one who supports NO prop 8...it is sitting to close to home for me.

My father...earlier this evening..sent me a letter saying that I am hurting my mom. To my dear family....I love you...I am not making a stand against you...please know that...I have a testimony of the church...I have a testimony of families...I love you. That is the reason I wrote and posted my letter to you...because I do love love you and I care...and it is important that through all of this...you know that most of all...my heart is whole when I think of you...and I do care and love you.

Ok...this is already a novel..I can tell...sweet dreams to all of you. I may need to edit this tomorrow...because my writing probably doesnt make since. Goodnight!

Responding to a comment on my blog from two days ago

This was another response I wrote to a friends older sister...(the details of the RALLY are coming soon!!!).

Janae...as I sat today at the rally with many members of the church...I cried...why did I cry? Because both sides are not listening to the other. I found myself torn. I appreciate your sister writing on my blog...and I support her to continue to read my blog...but I found myself somewhat affected by her comment of her standing before god and knowing that she chose right in the eyes of the lord. Janae...I love you...I adore you...but I do not feel any less of a member nor do 100's of members of the church who were at that rally in support of NO prop 8. When an individual states that my testimony before GOD is any less than hers...it is completely wrong...and unjust. Who is she to assume that my faith in GOD and JESUS CHRIST is faltering because I agree with a majority of other LDS members here in NYC. I am a member of the Harlem 1st WARD...I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have a very strong testimony of the church. You can have your opinion...but when you place value on my testimony (STACIE LANG) you are walking a very wrong line.

You are no more loved than the next person...and to assume so...is simply hateful.

I love each of you....please know this...I do not write on my blog for any other reason than to share my thoughts...My testimony of my savior is mine...and mine alone...and I feel that when I stand before GOD and Jesus Christ...they will understand my reason for doing so..and will love and respect me just the same.

A letter to my family and friends

Dear Family and Friends,

I am writing this email to you to let you know how much I do love each and every one of you...over the past week I have pondered my feelings on a subject that oddly enough sits close to home (Proposition 8). And regardless of whether you believe the same way I do...it is affecting each of us in a very powerful way. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with all of my heart...it is the gospel that gives me a majority of my happiness...not including my family of course of whom I love and respect.

That being said...I firmly believe in - "The Family Proclamation" - the LDS church's standing on marriage. I believe that with all of my heart...and in no place on earth can a child receive a better way of life. However, at a time in our society where so much change is happening and where the majority of the families across the board are being raised by single parents. This both damaging to the life of the child and more importantly the future understanding of what is important.

Regardless of what I may believe...it is not our place as true Christians...to force any other family...whether they be black, white, gay or straight...to believe the way that we believe. All that we can do is love them regardless. Marriage in whatever form it comes in..unites two individuals who obviously care for each the opportunity to be bound together. It is their right....and to be honest...it is the right of every member of this country to feel that they have rights. That is why we live here in this wonderful country. The church knew that there would be many that disagreed...and I was a little beside myself when a family member referenced that I am following two masters....that is wrong. It is our free agency...and it is our right as members of the church to take a stand. This same sort of picketing happened when it was illegal to allow black people to marry in 1967....and also to give black people the right to the priesthood.

It is fear...fear of the unknown that scares us all...it scared people in 1967 and it scares people today.

I firmly believe that the church will listen to the prayers of it members...on both sides...and will then speak openly about the issue.

So as I take a stand...that obviously opposes many of my family members...I do so with love...I do so...because I feel that the right of those whose voice is small...deserve their rights as well.

I love you guys!
Rance

ps: The reason why I posted this...is because tonight at 630pm there will be a huge picketing happening outside the LDS temple in NYC. Do I support picketing...no...but this just shares with you how big this issue has become...it is now a NATIONAL ISSUE...and the church, sadly...is getting the grunt of it all due to over 75% of all donations coming from members of the church.

The Gym - Opinions on Prop 8

So I just started actively working out again...and let me tell you...my body is screaming at me. You gotta love it. It feels good to let your body know who is in charge...and for your body parts to just scream ouch the day after you work them out. Love it...hate it...gotta deal with it I guess. Man sometimes I wonder why I chose such a self centered profession...But then again...look who's talking.

I want to give a huge thanks to my sister and friends who wrote on my blog yesterday...you must know that I love and support each of your opinions...isn't it wonderful to know that we live in a country where we can openly share our opinion whether it agrees or disagrees with those we love. I understand that most of my family may not agree the way that I do...but I know they love me...and that is what matters most to me - no proposition can take that away.

I am off to the gym...I am meeting with two of my dearest friends tonight for dinner and a movie...should be fun...talk at you laterz.

My continued stance on (no) prop 8

Continuation of the (no) prop 8 stance of which I hold - this is my response to a dear friend:

Perhaps if we understood why the individuals chose this life in the first place...perhaps everyone would be more understanding of their decisions and way of life. There are many of those whom are same sex attracted who were molested by those with authority ...so their understanding of what is right has been damaged...and forever will be. So does that make it right...no....but does it make it right for anyone else not involved to assume that one made their decision to love one of the same sex purely by their own will. Or perhaps is it all they understand due to that one moment as a child when they simply had no choice in the issue?!? Again...who am I to be the judge of Israel for anyone...it is not my choice...nor should it be yours. All that we can do as true Christians...is to love everyone...regardless of who they are or what they stand for. And so I choose to support those who may not understand why they have been given the choice to love one of the same sex. I love unconditionally.

ps: I am not saying that all or the majority of those whom are gay were molested...I do not walk the path of each individual...however, I do know many of my own friends and performer friends...who were molested by those with some sort of authority over them. This changing forever the way that they personally view sex and view sexual behavior.

My argument: People...regardless of where they come from and their belief system...have no right to take away anyone elses freedom to love...that and only that moral decision can be God alone. It is our place to love that person...and rather than finding the differences between us...rather find what brings us closer together.

Post Jersey Boys Audition - Children Shows - Facebook - (NO)Prop 8

It has been a while since I last wrote an entry on my blog...about a week...and though that is much less time then many of my family or friends....it is a long time for me. So here is the news in relation to my audition. In prepping for my audition my agent had requested that I prepare with a lot of Jersey swagger...what is Jersey swagger you might ask...well if you have ever seen the Soprano's...that is Jersey swagger. So I prepared with the information I was given. Now, as one who has seen "Jersey Boys" the musical, I knew that the character I was up for was a little more flamboyant then most in the show. So I was a bit confused as to why I was given that information. I was prepared...and well prepared at that...so as I went into the large room at Chelsea Studios on 26th street between 6th and 7th avenue...I felt that I was ready to go. I was dressed in all black, black tie, black dress shoes...I look amazing (I mean really...when do I not - lol.) As I began my song everything went well...the production team was supportive of my choice. Then as I began to share my lines that I was asked to prepare...they asked me where my flamboyant self was. I was confused...because from my agents standpoint...that was the last thing that they wanted to see. So I left the audition room...still confused as to what had happened...and called my agent up immediately...a little mad...and requested that she call the Casting company and explain what had just happened. ( I was told incorrect information to prepare.) Anyway...the amazing Merri Sugarman told my agent that she would like to take some time with me...the next time she see's me...to go over some stuff...because she feels I am talented enough...and there is something very intriquing about me that she would like to see on stage. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS...BUT I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THE FINAL RESULT. Oh the life of a performer...oy!

Recently I have had the opportunity to Manage and Direct a couple of childrens shows around the country. It has been both enjoyable...and stressful beyond belief. My hopes is to eventually run my own company...mainly because I feel I can do better myself. (lol - I love how I always feel I could do a better job myself...when I clearly have no idea how much *@&% people have to deal with - or do I?).

I am currently a member of facebook - I love how everyone considers you a friend...even people I clearly have never met. lol. I am curious though...I recently had someone who completely did me wrong request to be my friend. How do I react to that...do I just excuse the last six months of frustration with this individual and a connection of lies just pass and let them be my friend...or do I simply just ignore them...obviously...no interaction with this person is better than any interaction with them...so I ignored them. Was I wrong to do so?

Just recently I have had people argue with me on my personal belief to support NO on prop 8...which obviously at this point lost in California. My belief is this...if people desire to be married to one of the same sex...who am I to take away their happiness. One thing I learned on my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was that I am no Judge of Israel...and it is not my place to decide the happiness or unhappiness of others. When people feel that they are supported and loved...that is when change or a difference can be made. It is very similar to that of a child...when a parent or a guardian lowers themself to the eyes of a child...and speaks to them directly...not pushing them..or bullying them...or forcing them to believe or do something that they ask...that is when the child takes their own steps and desires to make change for themselves. Perhaps if the members of the church...could speak to those who deal with same sex attraction in the same demeanor...perhaps more could be understood and done. I love the church in NYC...because all are welcome and do not feel out of place...the members in NYC reach out their arms of understanding...and would never donate so much money to a cause in a completely different part of the country. Its rediculous.

Anyway...had to share some of my thoughts...I hope this finds all of you well.

Craziness - Delicious Chicken

It is 2:39pm...my brain is going a thousand miles an hour..."Why?" you might ask. Well, I commit myself to so many things. Currently I am making sure that a show is going to go up in South Dakota...and I have an audition for Jersey Boys tomorrow...I am rehearsing my lines and songs tonight..and I am going to be coached in the morning tomorrow. Seriously people....I am about to go crazy. Plus immediately after the audition...I am possibly flying to South Dakota....HELP!!! Am I crazy...obviously!

Anyway, I have be honest....today I cooked some chicken....and it was quite delicious. My secret...Olive Oil. Who knew? Some have told me egg helps it....or a little stick of butter help it...but I will be honest...its the Virgin Olive Oil...that has my mouth watering.

I am about to head and do some laundry...lucky for me...I have less than a block to walk to do it...Isnt NYC great! Hahaha!

Talk to you soon.

Was just notified that I have an audition for JERSEY BOYS!

I am just about to head to Rebecca Holt's place... to prepare for my audition on Friday for Jersey Boys! Last time I was called in for this show was the first time I got an agent call for it and the phenomenal Merri Sugarman of Tara Rubin Casting stopped me and said..."You aren't Bob Gaudio, but you are definetely Bob Crewe." So there you have it...a year later...almost to the date...I am being called in for Bob Crewe. Its just simply an audition - however, it is great to be remembered and recognized by any casting director...especially one so influential in the business. Thank you Merri!

New Music - Exciting emotions - Dave in "Alvin and the Chipmunks" - Waiting for the final three of my family to visit.

It is Tuesday afternoon around 4:23pm...It is cold outside...and it is raining. I have been working on some new music for auditions...some old favorites...and some modern music. Its exciting...to get new music and try and place it within your own voice. A difficult task...but once it is accomplished it is a very satisfying and worthwhile experience.

Growing up a dancer - trained by my mother...I found such exciting emotions as I expressed myself through dance. As I got to college and learned to sing - most especially at the Boston Conservatory...I found out that those same emotions could come to me through singing. Communication in whatever forms it finds itself is important. I love to sing...its fun for me...it moves me...and sometimes if it is not done correctly..it can completely bore me.

So this weekend I am suppose to go to Aberdeen, SD and play the role of Dave in "Alvin and the Chipmunks" - I haven't heard from the producer (M. Davids of Special Productions, inc./ Very Special Productions, inc.) as of yet...so unclear of what is going on. As a Leo (born in the beginning month of August) I find the need to have things clearly scheduled and planned in advanced. Working with this producer I have learned that most things are done last minute on his schedule. I feel bad because it puts a lot of people who would be extremely talented for the job - the lack of trust in the company to do it...but allows potentially less talented individuals who are not as well versed in music or in the art, yet have done an ok job at the shows (not superb), the opportunity in working. Alas, I am not the boss...I am simply the assistant to the producer.

I have lived in NYC for almost 2 1/2 years...and yet I have only had four members of my family here to visit me in NY. Not saying anything, but Rachelle, Krystal and Shane have not been to NYC to visit me...and I expect their visit soon. Just putting it out there! Love you guys! hahaha!

Anyway...I have been invited to a dinner...so I have got to end my entry today a little shorter than I would like. Back at you later!

Rance

Brookiemeister - Equity Dues - Chariot - Bloknthoughts - Friends - Golddigger in Sign Language

Hey world...I just spent a very relaxing and comical evening with my dear friend and roommate Brooke (aka: the brookiemeister). Yes, I have a female roommate...no we dont share the same room - but we do live within the same boundries of an apartment. To some that can seem a little scary...but to us here in NYC...it is everyday life. Brooke is one of the most endearing individuals - whom has a heart gold. We have had many a long stroll, conversation, meal and movie time together. I adore her....and lets be honest...who wouldn't.

I have finally taken care of Actor Equity Dues...and I am back in business...reading the Equity page...finding out auditions...and calling all of my friends and teachers in the business to get back to my normal routine...or the routine that I had become familiar with.

I love music..I do...and it is such a powerful tool my life...it gives me joy and makes me extremely happy. I was just listening to Gavin Degraw's - Chariot...it is such a powerful song to me and moves me like no other song can. I have found myself on the subway...in a comfortable sweater, or jacket with a hood...listening to this song...and just moving with a huge smile on my face. If you want to be motivated to just move...listen to that song. It is a great motivator...and I think I am going to be adding it to my book of music for auditions. Watch out Broadway! lol.

If you have never been to my sister Rachelles's website..you seriously should...the girl is dynamite on blog writing - simply stroll to my friends...and look her up...she sometimes has competitions which I believe everyone should be a part of. Plus she takes great pictures of the rest of my family...and I will be honest...they are pretty darn cute.

Now I have noticed that I am beginning to have friends of whom I have not spoken to in a long time find me on this blogging thing...and I just wanted to give a shout out to all of them - I love hearing from them and finding out what is going on in their lives...so keep the comments coming and keep the conversations growing. Speaking of friends...went to dinner with Eli last night...and it was wonderful to talk about the things that matter to us most - life - and our involvement in it..hahaha! Thank you Eli!

ok...you must take a look at this youtube...it is extremely powerful... mixing sign language with this song and I believe you will love it. Gold digger in sign language!!!



Anyway...let me know your thoughts to this..I would some day love to create a dance piece to this idea of Golddigger - Signlanguage format. What an amazing piece of art...right?

Rance :)

Waste of an entry

It is again early in the morning on Tuesday - about 12:56am when I am beginning to write this email.

I am now only on the second sentence and it is an hour later and I need to go to bed...hahaha...what a waste of an entry...I will get back to this later on in the day today!

Friends Not Listening - Talking out of my.....

So I am sitting here talking to my friend Eli on the phone about a very important and dear situation in my life...and after I am done talking I hear him breathing heavy and I am like... Eli...are you there? Are you listening to me? And he jumps on and it was obvious that he was not listening....ya know, that is a little disturbing when you dont realize how long you have been talking and that it bores everyone around you. So I was a little bit distraught by the thought and jumped off the phone. Obviously as a Leo and a performer we do not like to be ignored...and/or not listened to. When will people ever learn..lol!

I cant wait to get back out there and auditioning....I have been missing it...seriously missing the people...my friends...the opportunity to get out there and perform. I have got my groove back baby...and I cant wait.

Now, I just need to get a job..hahaha!

Anyway, I am so wanting to find outlets for my desires and wants...like choreography...and creating...and performing...directing. These are all things that I love to do...and am pretty darn good at. Seeking for the good in others and helping other reach their potential...it excites me. I want to teach at a University....I want to create my own program...I want to help people realize their abilities and nurture them in the right fashion.

I have created some companies/events..."The Photography Train", "The Wright Agency", "Sunset Cruise For Change" (which is still in the works). And all because I needed some outlet to do so. I love creating things....(how many times have I said that...) - now I just need to move them forward and make them huge realities.

Wow, I am totally talking out of my arse right now...as you can tell from my above paragraph...it is an english professors nightmare...and gave me a headache to read. hahaha...

ok...off to bed...it is 1:43am in NYC and its a beautiful fall night. Friends...lets come back to this when my brain is working.

Mom's Visit - Past 6 Months - Water - Getting Older is Scary!

Wow...that was a long exit. Perhaps when you are trying to figure things out about yourself - which lets be honest, it is a life process - it takes time.

I had the wonderful opportunity this last week to have my mom - Ann Wright - visit me in New York City. Her energy is so empowering as only a mothers energy can be. Because of her visit I feel somewhat renewed - and I am grateful for her taking time out of her busy schedule to come visit lil-ol-me.

For the past six months I really felt as if I was punched in the stomach and oddly enough I couldn't get my air back. Life over the past six months has been both extremely hard, but amazingly rewarding. I always feel that when I have the opportunity to learn more about myself, I am able to be a better me. Anyone who feels that they have hit the end of the learning curve (and we have all run into those kinds of people) , is hiding behind their own issues, problems and struggles. The value of change is without a doubt one of the most important things we can learn in life - and no this is not support for Obama change - I am speaking of life changes.

I am drinking a delicious Smart Water right now - it iis amazing how devine water is. It is also amazing how important water is to our way of life, energy and culture. Not that I really had much more than that to say about it...just thought I would mention that I am drinking a bottle at the moment.

Getting older is so scary...I hope that my dashing good looks stay with me forever. (lol) I mean, my family is blessed with youthfulness in their looks - so I hope that I keep that quality as well. aks: DRINK LOTS OF WATER...(a helpful not overboard amount).

Off to the park

It is Saturday afternoon and I am sitting here figuring out whether I should head to the gym or head over to riverside park and go running - decisions, decisions. I have decided the latter...heading to the gym is such a chore...and I would rather not involve myself with chores today. I have already cleaned my apartment and my room...(as if one doesn't involve the other..hahaha) and well, need to get some physical action today. So off to the park.

Miss My Mommy-Committment

I want my mommy!!! That isn't a joke. I miss my family, and I miss my mom a whole lot! Call me a momma's boy .... cause guess what .... I am. Regardless of how successful I am in life I will always be fond of my family and their impact in my life. Each of them has such a influential and important place in my heart...and I will forever be grateful for their continued influence on me.

I vacated about seven days from my blogging - so there is a lot of catching up to do. During this time away I have come to realize what a passionate person I am. Not only in my craft but in life. I do care for each individual and their path of happiness.

I realized that I would rather sacrifice my desire for happiness to make sure that another individual chose what was correct over what felt right. There have to often been those moments in life where I have pushed for my desire to be happy...and I have seen others choose their own "now" happy moments over commitment and devotion to me. I would not however allow this person whom I considered a remarkable human being to make the same mistake with me that I know others have done against me. Yeah sure I cried for 5 hours...but I got over it and have moved on. I knew that what they chose was the right choice...and I support them....for making the difficult but correct choice.

Commitment in forms of love or friendship should never be taken lightly. And sadly in New York City people are so transient. Some people do not understand the importance of staying true to one person and when the road gets tough they move onto something or someone else - rather than just humbling themselves and realizing that the change may need to happen in them. I am a patient person...I am a person with heart. And perhaps that is why my heart has been broken for so long...perhaps I believe better in people...when they sadly don't believe in themselves.

So family...I love you...I will always stand by you...and oakleigh (that is how you spell it right? Sorry for spelling it incorrect the first time)

emotional

9/11 is so emotional..thats all!

9/11 Remembering - Powerful healing tools

It is 5:55pm - Oh my I have forgot yet again to get the bills together and give them to my roommates. If there is one thing I suck at it is procrastination. Yes - I said it ... I am a procrastinator, and yet I can not pull my fingers away from this computer to give a tinkers darn (its a mormon cuss word in case you werent aware). Today is 9/11 - obviously by the date you can read up above...and I had the opportunity this morning to watch on TV(since I had no energy to get up any earlier than 840am) the tribute to those who died as part of the twin towers being destroyed. That day still boggles my mind - my waking up in Las Vegas, having just left New York City myself and realizing that the world that I was so familiar with (aka: walking out of the christopher street stop near NYU campus and looking to my left and seeing the Empire State building and looking too my right and seeing the Twim towers so that I may get my grounding of which way I was walking) was gone. It was sad to realize that such an important landmark in NYC history was in moments taken away from this world.

I had the opportunity in November of 2001 to return to NYC for a call back for Les Miserables on Broadway. I flew into NYC from Los Angeles for a weekend, stayed with friends, ate very minimalist and realized how different NYC was from just a year prior. It was disheartening to feel that difference....and yes it is true....you could feel the difference of that city. People were humbled by the experience, regardless of what others may have said....the city would never be the same. Forever changed by having the ground that they so firmly stood on taken from beneath them. The city in 2008....though strong....still holds onto that fear that it could again happen to them. Are we more prepared for a terrorist attach today then we were back then? I would hope so...but have a feeling that we are not. I personally could whip those terrorist with the back of my hand....but no one has ever asked me for my help....and for good reason.

I feel that I am more a helper than a destroyer...you can blame my mother and father for that. I choose to heal with my heart, my hands and my voice...and I believe those to be amazingly powerful healing tools.

Loving someone, Loving a city, having a passion for anything is important - if we do not have passion or a hope for something greater...than we have nothing.

My dear friend Rebecca Holt and I went and sang today with Dee on 86th Street and Central Park West - I realize that I am so out of voice. I must get back to my voice lessons this upcoming week. I will do that! And be ready for some major auditions by October! Still thinking I will take a 2 week break to Utah to enjoy their company and see my new neice "Oakley" and all of my neices and nephews...it is important that they have the opportunity to visit and enjoy Uncle Rance!

9/11 - Life Experiences - Rachel Zoe Project

Tomorrow is September 11th and obviously a day that will be remembered by the United States of America for many different reasons. Obviously the destroying of the Twin Towers is the most apparent of them all. As we turn our minds and hearts to this memorable moment of death and change may we also take the time to celebrate what we have. Regardless of the challenges that we have to face or the individuals that may help or destroy us - it is important that we take time to always try and look at the good of others. Trying to focus on what didn't work or didn't help in any situation is taking to much time on the negative of our lives. So looking to the good of others will always be a more beneficial and helpful way to helping those that we may come in contact with later on in life.

I am not perfect and will never express to others that I am. I try my best to be the best me. What does that mean? That I am at fault for everything in my life...whether good or bad. I am also proud of my own change and opportunities. I am proud of where I am at....I have experienced life to date the best way I know how, continue to do so, and will only become better as I learn more about who I am.

Never assume you know someone - because often times they hardly know themselves. That goes for friends, relationships, bosses - It is best you smile at these experiences, people, opportunities and move on and never look back.

Wow, I have vented - sometimes I just got to vent.

PS: I was watching the Rachel Zoe project on Bravo - and let me be honest, I would rock at being one of her assistants. Spread the news!!! hahaha!

A quick up to date

It is Wednesday afternoon, and I have just reconnected with Katie Ludwig of One Source Talent - a dear friend of mine. I have also sent out 8 different applications for Public Relations jobs throughout the city of NY. Today has been fast moving, but very fulfilling. We will see what turns out. I will reconnect with this blog later on today hopefully.

Friends

I just had the opportunity to hang with a dear friend - Eli Rotblat - on Columbia University Campus and talk about my life. And perhaps have come to realize what it means to have a true friend in the city of NY. You begin to realize who your friends are when you are in a time in your life where you can offer nothing but your friendship. I would also have to add Rebecca Holt to that friendship as well. Friends are wonderful when they truly give from the heart, with no expectation in return.

Post HANNA/Enrique Ramirez/Taking Time

So I survived my first ever tropical storm - aka: Hanna - and it was tons of fun, and wet and dark and well fun. What can I say I have been in storms before, but not storms that lasted more than 2 hours. HAHA! There wasn't any flooding in my neck of the woods but there sure was flooding throughout the five boroughs. I am not sure New York City would be ready if there was a Hurricane to hit directly on the city. It would possibly be more threatening to the city than 9/11...killing and destroying more people and land mass than we could think of. Our we ready?

I just recently heard of a website called hireasaint.org...only a mormon would create such a website...I love it! I am currently looking at the website and have found it to be pretty...well...NYC located. I guess since I live in NYC that aint so bad. HAHAHA!

It is storming again today and the weather is suppose to begin moving into less heat and cooler air. Looking forward to the cooler weather, it has been pretty hot in this area of the world.

I was working on the New York Aids Coalition's "Sunset Cruise For Change" which was to happen on September 22, 2008 - I however, felt it best to move it to April of 2009 to make sure it is a success. I also feel it is best that I move my thoughts to something different for a little while so that I can take care of myself. Sometimes taking time to ourselves is not such a bad thing.

I have had people in my life whom I thought were friends of mine. And realized later on that they were only self absorbed in their (Enrique Ramirez of face to face nyc) own career and were simply using me as a way to move forward, because they didnt have the strength themselves. One thing I have been blessed with is the freedom to strong opinions and also the strength to believe in my opinions - whether they are right or wrong. Enrique had the nerve to text me yesterday and try to bring up some sort of situation between us. I still havent been paid by his company for almost 160.00 dollars. If he wants to bring up lack of friendship and professionalism perhaps he should look at his company and the worth of his workers.

Family is always a strength of mine and always will be. I love them. And I totally appreciate their great comments to my blog. Love you guys!

Pre - Hanna

It is 957pm on a Friday night. We have just gotten word that Hanna (A hurricane/tropical storm) will potentially be hitting NYC area. How exciting this will be - I have never experienced a storm of this caliber before. I know it is not very big by most standards....but whatev's I am pretty stoked that I have the opportunity to experience this at all. I will write back after the experience...wish me luck!

NYC/ELECTIONS

New York City is a city that will either eat you up or tear you down. Over the past many months I have found myself feeling the strength of this city. I have also began to feel my weakness's as well. I thought I was such a strong person...who didn't need the help of others to move forward. But sometimes realizing that we are not invinsible allows us to become stronger.

I am at a standstill of whether I should stay in NYC or move to my hometown in Utah to figure things out for myself. What do I do? Only I know the answer. Perhaps seeing my family and the beauty that they are to me...will help me realize the person that I am. A strong, giving person.

Now, moving onto the elections. I have taken the time to listen to both the Democratic and Republican Conventions...and after being convinced for over 6 months that I was going to vote democratic I had the opportunity to listen to Sarah Palin the Republican nominee for Vice President defend her ability to run this country (this of course after the Democratic nominees were dissing her in public) - do not slap a women and not expect her to slap back...get real Obama/Biden. I am now going to vote Republican. Perhaps if those who disagree with me actually listened to everything said at both conventions - they to would be voting Republican as well.