Saturday, September 20, 2008

Off to the park

It is Saturday afternoon and I am sitting here figuring out whether I should head to the gym or head over to riverside park and go running - decisions, decisions. I have decided the latter...heading to the gym is such a chore...and I would rather not involve myself with chores today. I have already cleaned my apartment and my room...(as if one doesn't involve the other..hahaha) and well, need to get some physical action today. So off to the park.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Miss My Mommy-Committment

I want my mommy!!! That isn't a joke. I miss my family, and I miss my mom a whole lot! Call me a momma's boy .... cause guess what .... I am. Regardless of how successful I am in life I will always be fond of my family and their impact in my life. Each of them has such a influential and important place in my heart...and I will forever be grateful for their continued influence on me.

I vacated about seven days from my blogging - so there is a lot of catching up to do. During this time away I have come to realize what a passionate person I am. Not only in my craft but in life. I do care for each individual and their path of happiness.

I realized that I would rather sacrifice my desire for happiness to make sure that another individual chose what was correct over what felt right. There have to often been those moments in life where I have pushed for my desire to be happy...and I have seen others choose their own "now" happy moments over commitment and devotion to me. I would not however allow this person whom I considered a remarkable human being to make the same mistake with me that I know others have done against me. Yeah sure I cried for 5 hours...but I got over it and have moved on. I knew that what they chose was the right choice...and I support them....for making the difficult but correct choice.

Commitment in forms of love or friendship should never be taken lightly. And sadly in New York City people are so transient. Some people do not understand the importance of staying true to one person and when the road gets tough they move onto something or someone else - rather than just humbling themselves and realizing that the change may need to happen in them. I am a patient person...I am a person with heart. And perhaps that is why my heart has been broken for so long...perhaps I believe better in people...when they sadly don't believe in themselves.

So family...I love you...I will always stand by you...and oakleigh (that is how you spell it right? Sorry for spelling it incorrect the first time)

Thursday, September 11, 2008


9/11 is so emotional..thats all!

9/11 Remembering - Powerful healing tools

It is 5:55pm - Oh my I have forgot yet again to get the bills together and give them to my roommates. If there is one thing I suck at it is procrastination. Yes - I said it ... I am a procrastinator, and yet I can not pull my fingers away from this computer to give a tinkers darn (its a mormon cuss word in case you werent aware). Today is 9/11 - obviously by the date you can read up above...and I had the opportunity this morning to watch on TV(since I had no energy to get up any earlier than 840am) the tribute to those who died as part of the twin towers being destroyed. That day still boggles my mind - my waking up in Las Vegas, having just left New York City myself and realizing that the world that I was so familiar with (aka: walking out of the christopher street stop near NYU campus and looking to my left and seeing the Empire State building and looking too my right and seeing the Twim towers so that I may get my grounding of which way I was walking) was gone. It was sad to realize that such an important landmark in NYC history was in moments taken away from this world.

I had the opportunity in November of 2001 to return to NYC for a call back for Les Miserables on Broadway. I flew into NYC from Los Angeles for a weekend, stayed with friends, ate very minimalist and realized how different NYC was from just a year prior. It was disheartening to feel that difference....and yes it is could feel the difference of that city. People were humbled by the experience, regardless of what others may have said....the city would never be the same. Forever changed by having the ground that they so firmly stood on taken from beneath them. The city in 2008....though strong....still holds onto that fear that it could again happen to them. Are we more prepared for a terrorist attach today then we were back then? I would hope so...but have a feeling that we are not. I personally could whip those terrorist with the back of my hand....but no one has ever asked me for my help....and for good reason.

I feel that I am more a helper than a can blame my mother and father for that. I choose to heal with my heart, my hands and my voice...and I believe those to be amazingly powerful healing tools.

Loving someone, Loving a city, having a passion for anything is important - if we do not have passion or a hope for something greater...than we have nothing.

My dear friend Rebecca Holt and I went and sang today with Dee on 86th Street and Central Park West - I realize that I am so out of voice. I must get back to my voice lessons this upcoming week. I will do that! And be ready for some major auditions by October! Still thinking I will take a 2 week break to Utah to enjoy their company and see my new neice "Oakley" and all of my neices and is important that they have the opportunity to visit and enjoy Uncle Rance!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

9/11 - Life Experiences - Rachel Zoe Project

Tomorrow is September 11th and obviously a day that will be remembered by the United States of America for many different reasons. Obviously the destroying of the Twin Towers is the most apparent of them all. As we turn our minds and hearts to this memorable moment of death and change may we also take the time to celebrate what we have. Regardless of the challenges that we have to face or the individuals that may help or destroy us - it is important that we take time to always try and look at the good of others. Trying to focus on what didn't work or didn't help in any situation is taking to much time on the negative of our lives. So looking to the good of others will always be a more beneficial and helpful way to helping those that we may come in contact with later on in life.

I am not perfect and will never express to others that I am. I try my best to be the best me. What does that mean? That I am at fault for everything in my life...whether good or bad. I am also proud of my own change and opportunities. I am proud of where I am at....I have experienced life to date the best way I know how, continue to do so, and will only become better as I learn more about who I am.

Never assume you know someone - because often times they hardly know themselves. That goes for friends, relationships, bosses - It is best you smile at these experiences, people, opportunities and move on and never look back.

Wow, I have vented - sometimes I just got to vent.

PS: I was watching the Rachel Zoe project on Bravo - and let me be honest, I would rock at being one of her assistants. Spread the news!!! hahaha!

A quick up to date

It is Wednesday afternoon, and I have just reconnected with Katie Ludwig of One Source Talent - a dear friend of mine. I have also sent out 8 different applications for Public Relations jobs throughout the city of NY. Today has been fast moving, but very fulfilling. We will see what turns out. I will reconnect with this blog later on today hopefully.


I just had the opportunity to hang with a dear friend - Eli Rotblat - on Columbia University Campus and talk about my life. And perhaps have come to realize what it means to have a true friend in the city of NY. You begin to realize who your friends are when you are in a time in your life where you can offer nothing but your friendship. I would also have to add Rebecca Holt to that friendship as well. Friends are wonderful when they truly give from the heart, with no expectation in return.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Post HANNA/Enrique Ramirez/Taking Time

So I survived my first ever tropical storm - aka: Hanna - and it was tons of fun, and wet and dark and well fun. What can I say I have been in storms before, but not storms that lasted more than 2 hours. HAHA! There wasn't any flooding in my neck of the woods but there sure was flooding throughout the five boroughs. I am not sure New York City would be ready if there was a Hurricane to hit directly on the city. It would possibly be more threatening to the city than 9/11...killing and destroying more people and land mass than we could think of. Our we ready?

I just recently heard of a website called a mormon would create such a website...I love it! I am currently looking at the website and have found it to be pretty...well...NYC located. I guess since I live in NYC that aint so bad. HAHAHA!

It is storming again today and the weather is suppose to begin moving into less heat and cooler air. Looking forward to the cooler weather, it has been pretty hot in this area of the world.

I was working on the New York Aids Coalition's "Sunset Cruise For Change" which was to happen on September 22, 2008 - I however, felt it best to move it to April of 2009 to make sure it is a success. I also feel it is best that I move my thoughts to something different for a little while so that I can take care of myself. Sometimes taking time to ourselves is not such a bad thing.

I have had people in my life whom I thought were friends of mine. And realized later on that they were only self absorbed in their (Enrique Ramirez of face to face nyc) own career and were simply using me as a way to move forward, because they didnt have the strength themselves. One thing I have been blessed with is the freedom to strong opinions and also the strength to believe in my opinions - whether they are right or wrong. Enrique had the nerve to text me yesterday and try to bring up some sort of situation between us. I still havent been paid by his company for almost 160.00 dollars. If he wants to bring up lack of friendship and professionalism perhaps he should look at his company and the worth of his workers.

Family is always a strength of mine and always will be. I love them. And I totally appreciate their great comments to my blog. Love you guys!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Pre - Hanna

It is 957pm on a Friday night. We have just gotten word that Hanna (A hurricane/tropical storm) will potentially be hitting NYC area. How exciting this will be - I have never experienced a storm of this caliber before. I know it is not very big by most standards....but whatev's I am pretty stoked that I have the opportunity to experience this at all. I will write back after the experience...wish me luck!


New York City is a city that will either eat you up or tear you down. Over the past many months I have found myself feeling the strength of this city. I have also began to feel my weakness's as well. I thought I was such a strong person...who didn't need the help of others to move forward. But sometimes realizing that we are not invinsible allows us to become stronger.

I am at a standstill of whether I should stay in NYC or move to my hometown in Utah to figure things out for myself. What do I do? Only I know the answer. Perhaps seeing my family and the beauty that they are to me...will help me realize the person that I am. A strong, giving person.

Now, moving onto the elections. I have taken the time to listen to both the Democratic and Republican Conventions...and after being convinced for over 6 months that I was going to vote democratic I had the opportunity to listen to Sarah Palin the Republican nominee for Vice President defend her ability to run this country (this of course after the Democratic nominees were dissing her in public) - do not slap a women and not expect her to slap back...get real Obama/Biden. I am now going to vote Republican. Perhaps if those who disagree with me actually listened to everything said at both conventions - they to would be voting Republican as well.