Thanksgiving holiday

Wow, when I take breaks from things...I really take breaks....the last time I wrote on this was earlier in the week.  Not good...not good.  

So much has happened over the past couple of days...

First off I had the pleasure of sharing my Thanksgiving day with my dear friend Rebecca Holt and her family (the Gilmores).  What an amazing family...with hearts of gold.  They welcomed me with open arms into their home to share in the happiness that Thanksgiving day brings.  Along with the Gilmores were their extended family - also a pleasure.  After the Thanksgiving meal I found myself a quite spot to lay back and sleep for about an hour....a tradition I learned a couple of years ago.  Every year my family usually sits around the table and expresses to the rest of the family what we are grateful for...well the Gilmore's also offered that same tradition.  Usually with my family it ends up being one big sob fest...well with the Gilmore's it was different....oddly enough I was the only one crying out of control - seriously, OUT OF CONTROL.  I expressed to everyone the joys of the gospel of Jesus Christ and regardless of where you are in this world the gospel brings us together  in ways that no one can express.  And though I wasn't with my family during the holiday season it was wonderful to be with people and friends whom I know love me and who care.

The rest of the weekend I found myself just relaxing around the house and finding new and different projects that I could get myself attached to....

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving holiday was as wonderful as mine....

Talk at you later!

funny commericial

This video makes me laugh..you have to watch it all the way through to enjoy it! lol! Have fun!

Friday night - Safe?!?

I am sitting at home on a Friday night....wondering what it is I should do....I find myself somewhat taken by the weeks events...and the people I have met...and ponder upon the idea of just sitting this Friday out. I know where many of my friends and family are...safe. And wonder if walking outside the below freezing temperatures here in NYC is really a smart idea.

Nah, the idea of venturing outside...actually exhausts me...and I know that tomorrow is filled with excitement...so I will stay in...because its safest for me to do so. Safe...for many reasons unknown.

Voices to my blog - Auditions - Roommates - Gavin Degraw

So I had to get off the subject of Prop 8 for this post....I just needed a break...as I am sure we all did. There has been so much effort right now across the board on both sides of the issue...and for a moment I will let them speak loudly and let my voice - for a moment - slip into the background.

It was shocking to me who became voices to my blog...I mean less than a month ago my blog was only viewed by a few friends and family...but as of recently I was getting emails and blog posts and sightings by some pretty influential people, magazines and news stations who desired to know how one in the middle of this subject was experiencing the heat of it all. It was fun to post...and yet it was very emotional as well.

I found myself being asked in the middle of major auditions what my standing on the whole subject was - I was suprized because I didn't think it really mattered how I felt...or how I went about my daily life....but for some odd reason it mattered to these people. Is it fair? Should people be judged because of the way they believe...whether they support or do not support a certain way of life or thought? Is it anyones right to push one to believe one way or the other? My belief is very simple...it is not the right of anyone individual or group...whether you agree or disagree with a certain way of life....to push your belief system and thought process upon another group.

I have had the pleasure of finding two amazing roommates...Brooke and Steven. Last night we had the opportunity of re-arranging the front room (I believe this is because Steven and Brooke were watching the home improvement station) and found a new way to put all of my things...hahaha. I love living with people who can make you laugh and not take life so seriously...it is wonderful to find true friends in your roommates. Thanks guys....for everything.

This week I had the opportunity to find the piano music for Gavin Degraw...and will begin rehearsing his music with my music coach. I cannot wait to audition with this music...it is about time I have found something new to sing.

To all my faithful followers to my blog....I love you to pieces....please feel free to respond...and to remark...it is your responses that makes my blog so dang interesting!

Rance

To those who hurt.

To both Bundy 6 pak and Alton Clan,

I am not searching for truth's...I found them in the church. My observation of members of the church here in NYC and many of my own cousins and relatives (who have given their support for my way of thinking) is that you can be an active member of the church and disagree with an action being taken. The leaders of our church - though prophets and apostles - are human as well.

Do not assume you know me...or that your way of thinking is ideal for me. You do not know where I came from...you do not understand my heart...you have not had to deal with my problems or issues in life...and you will not see death the same way.

The gospel of Jesus Christ...the gospel I hold dear to my heart...is not a gospel of hatred or hard feelings...or a gospel that should ever make one feel less than the very best. If it is...than we have all been fooled. Your thoughts and actions sadly have come across somewhat aggressive yourself...

I write on my blog to express to others my feelings....I am not searching...do not assume that...I honestly am suprised how so many people felt that...and people who obviously have never lived outside the community of the mormon church.

Do you want to know my honest feelings....I believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to be True....but the people of the church and the community of the church... are some of the most hateful and hurtful people I have ever met - take it from someone who has lived both on the inside of that community and out.

First take a look at how you are perceived...don't assume that the way you present yourself is the most helpful...because honestly....it is not.

To all...my heart reaches out...I feel the pain that it is causing both the members of the church and to those who are gay. It hurts for both. Neither truly listening to the other...both simply just throwing up arms. Seriously... cant we all play on the field like civil children.

I wish you all the best....your friend,

Rance

Blogger: bundy 6 pak - and my response to her

This letter came from a wonderful blogger named - "bundy 6 pak" - thanks for your blog:

Hi, I came across your blog thru a mutual friend (aleisha black-she is awesome). Your words are heart felt on this matter and I like you was on the fence. See, here in AZ the vote to ban gay marriage (prop 1020 has passed. I was unsure how to vote until Elder Boyd K Packer spoke to the saints here and said very clearly that though the church does not engage in political matters, that this one was a morale one and he urged all of us to vote for prop 1020. So I did, as I am sure the saints did in CA.

My response to her:

Dear bundy 6 pak,

Thank you so much for kind words and thoughts. I feel like many...simply just took the advice of the the church leaders blindly without realizing that this effort rather than being a support for the Proclamation of the Family was going to feel, to the world, like a statement against the minority thus turning many against the church.Why? Because it is not ok for the church to be getting involved politically.

Due to Elder Boyd K Packer stating something..urging the members to vote one way on this political matter... because of him doing this...it is now ok for the Government to tax the LDS CHURCH.

We are a country that believes in the separation of church and state...this matter should be left to the individual members of the church...to decide...and those who disagree should not feel shunned or persecuted for believing differently than the Priesthood leaders or the majority of those out west.

Blindly supporting a church...just because someone says so...is incorrect. I actually said a prayer about my decision...and feel confident that this is the right step for me - does that mean I am less of a member? Or not worthy? No. And yet I am receiving horrible words from many because I believe different than them.

Sounds like a majority - not you included - feel hatred towards me...rather than simply understanding my point of view...they are pushing me slowly to turn away from those teachings that I hold dear to my heart.

We can disagree with Prop 8 and still be strong members of the Mormon church...don't ever forget that.

I would hope that many of you out there have the opportunity to live next to a gay couple...get to know them...watch there daily life...how they support others...and give to their community. All they want...is the same rights you have as members of the church...to marry someone you love. (sure it may sound awkward to some - but oddly so did blacks in the priesthood and interracial marriage).

sidenote: Tomorrow across the country there will be a major movement at city halls...this is the beginning of a major Civil Rights movement - possibly one of the biggest ones since slavery. Why must a church, a country feel so differently about two things they both hold dear and sacred.

a thought: I was thinking...what if homosexuality was a religion? Do you think the Mormon church would present such a stance against this particular faith...since we are told to never force our religious faith or way of life upon other faiths? hmmm....just a thought.

Thank you Stacie

Thank you Stacie...

Stacie, The beautiful thing about blogging...is we can share our personal feelings so the world can read them. Your comments I support...and I respect.

As of lately I have had the opportunity to work with those dealing with HIV/AIDS, older gay couples who have been together for many many years...and because of an illness find their lives and years together limited. Due to this cause I see the hurt that we as a church our placing on these innocent people. All they desire is their rights as members of this country...nothing more and nothing less...and as such...I feel that it is important that I take a stand in support of their right...remember...I am not supporting their way of life...but their right as United States citizens. There will come a time when this law across the country will pass - we can not...as members of the Church of Jesus Christ...look like a people that support putting the minority down...what will we say at that moment...when all that is remembered of our faith was the fact that we fought against a movement supporting the minority(since we too find ourselves so often in that minority)...and the world then turns their hearts away from us and our teachings.

I do not look at this any longer as us standing for our own beliefs as a faith...that is what our first amendment right is to practice the way we desire...gays being allowed to marry will not take away that freedom...nor will they be allowed to marry in the temples...because that is the rights of the church to only allow worthy members of the church to attend the temple - that will not change. I also do not believe the lies that have been told about ...if we allow gay marriage then 1st graders will be taught homosexuality in our schools. I actually spoke with a teacher from MASSACHUSETTS who said that in the school system (since this is the location where they say it is being taught to first graders) - sexuality is not spoken of until the 7th grade. This lie that is being spread amongst the members to scare them is wrong. All of this hatred on both sides...needs to stop. It seriously does.

I dont hate you...and you dont hate me...I know that.

Thank you Stacie for your comment on my blog!

My head and heart hurt

Just so my family is aware at how much this is hurting me...it is 5:25am in the morning..I have not slept...and cannot sleep. My head and my heart hurts. My heart hurts because regardless of the fact that I stand for something I believe in...my family is taking it personally...when it was never my place to hurt or offend. I wish my family knew me well enough to know that regardless of my personal belief in something...my heart will always be grateful and proud of who and what my family is and stands for. They are my rock.

Rally Entry - 65th/Broadway - NYC Mormon Temple

It is 2:15am...Thursday morning...I am still awake...because I have found myself exhausted by everything that is taking place right now in my life, in this country...and seriously...in this city. Decisions and making a point about something that I feel should just simply be common sense...yet...I feel so much of the negativity.

About a week ago...I found myself shocked at some of the information that I was receiving...it shocked me because I felt that so much of what I had been raised to believe...love thy neighbor...was simply an action that was not being met by many of my friends. Now please...do not get all up in arms at that comment...I am just mentioning a very elementary subject that we have all been taught...the importance of not shunning or not finding faults in others. So I decided...regardless of my background...that Mormonism and the Civil Rights of others can walk hand in hand. And this is something I firmly believe...that people regardless of their religious or non-religious views have the right to believe and perform the way that they would like.

Members of the church need to realize that people are not throwing anger currently at them for believing the way they believe...people across the country are upset that members would support a cause (20 million dollars worth - from members alone) that supports hatred. Yes I understand the Proclamation of the Family and I have a testimony of it...that does not mean that it is ok for me...to dish out money towards a Civil - not Moral law...that would infringe on others rights to believe the way that they want. I have always felt that it was unjust for any person to force a belief or way of life on anyone else.

example: While I was on my mission in Detroit, MI...we came across two member of another faith...who also went two by two to share their message of their gospel. When they confronted my missionary companion and myself on the freeway walkover and began to tell me how wrong I was and that I was believing in a faith that was inappropriate...I silenced them and said "What I believe to be correct is true...and the spirit of the lord...does not dwell in a place of confrontation or in force. If you would like to discuss your church with us and we with you...I would be happy to sit down peacefully and discuss this...but to force your opinion upon me will only cause me to close my ears and my heart towards you." My companion...a greeny at the time...was shocked to my response to these two individuals.

2nd example: Another story from my mission...a lady by the name of Cleta McNoriel - 75 year old Catholic women...who had been taking lessons from the Missionaries for over 6 years was continually confronted with aggressive missionaries who demanded that she get baptized...and what a sin it was to keep dragging the missionaries along with in this way. When I moved into that area...I learned about her very quickly...and I wanted to meet her since she was high on the mission list of individuals that we wanted to help bring into the gospel. So I went and spoke with her...and listened to my companion who tore into her conversationally immediately upon our arrival. Once he was done speaking to her...I asked if I could say some words of comfort to her...and first to let her know that the Savior loved her. This decision was not something that she needed to jump into...and it is a decision that when she felt of the comforting feelings of the spirit she needed to move forward with. I did this with a soft heart...a heart that I could tell spoke to her soul. Not a heart of fear...or a heart of discomfort...but a heart of love. She could tell that...and wouldn't you know...after 6 years of talking to the missionaries...she asked me to baptize and confirm her a member of the church.

Friends...I share this...because this support of a proposition...though it opposes your personal belief system...is sending to the world...a message that is different than what you all think it should be sharing. Sadly it is sharing a message of force and hate. The church is not hate nor does it believe in force...I know that...I get that. But tell that to Joe Schmoe...and they do not get that nor do they desire to understand...they only see the actions being taken. (the money being donated...not your belief in the proclamation)

Today I went to the Rally that began at the Mormon temple on 65th and Broadway..and went down Broadway with over 20,000 people to Columbus Circle (the South/West corner of Central Park). I along with other members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints...walked in support of a community that has been shunned for over 200 years. I cried at times...and screamed at times...because I felt like myself and many of the church members who were in support of this cause...also had to fight against those walking who were blaming the church for many things. Mind you...I am not a quiet mouth and spoke up everytime something in harm of the church was referenced...and I did so as a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

There are pictures of myself along with the members of the church who came out to support...along with thousands of others. I may post a picture of the members who were there...and felt proud to be both a member of the church...and a believer in this rally.

This was a peaceful rally...because this rally was not meant to place blame (especially because us members were there to filter a lot of their comments) but yet to make members aware that their message of donating money...is beginning to anger the majority of those across the country. This rally...was the NYC community stating that they do not approve of the action taken...by the members of the church.

Do you realize that a man who is Mormon was forced from his job...as Artistic Director - of Sacramento Music Circus...forced out by the Broadway Community. They found out that he supported with a 1,000.00 dollar donation to Prop 8 and the Broadway community (my profession) found this out...and took away his upcoming season from him. They asked him how he could justify putting some of the most racy productions in the past couple of years on stage...and hires a majority of those who deal with same sex attraction over his own faith...and yet voted against those he hired...so the Broadway, Equity community responded with a huge swipe against him.

People...wake up...please...this sort of action...is unnecessary...seriously...and as a member of the church..and one who supports NO prop 8...it is sitting to close to home for me.

My father...earlier this evening..sent me a letter saying that I am hurting my mom. To my dear family....I love you...I am not making a stand against you...please know that...I have a testimony of the church...I have a testimony of families...I love you. That is the reason I wrote and posted my letter to you...because I do love love you and I care...and it is important that through all of this...you know that most of all...my heart is whole when I think of you...and I do care and love you.

Ok...this is already a novel..I can tell...sweet dreams to all of you. I may need to edit this tomorrow...because my writing probably doesnt make since. Goodnight!

Responding to a comment on my blog from two days ago

This was another response I wrote to a friends older sister...(the details of the RALLY are coming soon!!!).

Janae...as I sat today at the rally with many members of the church...I cried...why did I cry? Because both sides are not listening to the other. I found myself torn. I appreciate your sister writing on my blog...and I support her to continue to read my blog...but I found myself somewhat affected by her comment of her standing before god and knowing that she chose right in the eyes of the lord. Janae...I love you...I adore you...but I do not feel any less of a member nor do 100's of members of the church who were at that rally in support of NO prop 8. When an individual states that my testimony before GOD is any less than hers...it is completely wrong...and unjust. Who is she to assume that my faith in GOD and JESUS CHRIST is faltering because I agree with a majority of other LDS members here in NYC. I am a member of the Harlem 1st WARD...I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have a very strong testimony of the church. You can have your opinion...but when you place value on my testimony (STACIE LANG) you are walking a very wrong line.

You are no more loved than the next person...and to assume so...is simply hateful.

I love each of you....please know this...I do not write on my blog for any other reason than to share my thoughts...My testimony of my savior is mine...and mine alone...and I feel that when I stand before GOD and Jesus Christ...they will understand my reason for doing so..and will love and respect me just the same.

A letter to my family and friends

Dear Family and Friends,

I am writing this email to you to let you know how much I do love each and every one of you...over the past week I have pondered my feelings on a subject that oddly enough sits close to home (Proposition 8). And regardless of whether you believe the same way I do...it is affecting each of us in a very powerful way. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with all of my heart...it is the gospel that gives me a majority of my happiness...not including my family of course of whom I love and respect.

That being said...I firmly believe in - "The Family Proclamation" - the LDS church's standing on marriage. I believe that with all of my heart...and in no place on earth can a child receive a better way of life. However, at a time in our society where so much change is happening and where the majority of the families across the board are being raised by single parents. This both damaging to the life of the child and more importantly the future understanding of what is important.

Regardless of what I may believe...it is not our place as true Christians...to force any other family...whether they be black, white, gay or straight...to believe the way that we believe. All that we can do is love them regardless. Marriage in whatever form it comes in..unites two individuals who obviously care for each the opportunity to be bound together. It is their right....and to be honest...it is the right of every member of this country to feel that they have rights. That is why we live here in this wonderful country. The church knew that there would be many that disagreed...and I was a little beside myself when a family member referenced that I am following two masters....that is wrong. It is our free agency...and it is our right as members of the church to take a stand. This same sort of picketing happened when it was illegal to allow black people to marry in 1967....and also to give black people the right to the priesthood.

It is fear...fear of the unknown that scares us all...it scared people in 1967 and it scares people today.

I firmly believe that the church will listen to the prayers of it members...on both sides...and will then speak openly about the issue.

So as I take a stand...that obviously opposes many of my family members...I do so with love...I do so...because I feel that the right of those whose voice is small...deserve their rights as well.

I love you guys!
Rance

ps: The reason why I posted this...is because tonight at 630pm there will be a huge picketing happening outside the LDS temple in NYC. Do I support picketing...no...but this just shares with you how big this issue has become...it is now a NATIONAL ISSUE...and the church, sadly...is getting the grunt of it all due to over 75% of all donations coming from members of the church.

The Gym - Opinions on Prop 8

So I just started actively working out again...and let me tell you...my body is screaming at me. You gotta love it. It feels good to let your body know who is in charge...and for your body parts to just scream ouch the day after you work them out. Love it...hate it...gotta deal with it I guess. Man sometimes I wonder why I chose such a self centered profession...But then again...look who's talking.

I want to give a huge thanks to my sister and friends who wrote on my blog yesterday...you must know that I love and support each of your opinions...isn't it wonderful to know that we live in a country where we can openly share our opinion whether it agrees or disagrees with those we love. I understand that most of my family may not agree the way that I do...but I know they love me...and that is what matters most to me - no proposition can take that away.

I am off to the gym...I am meeting with two of my dearest friends tonight for dinner and a movie...should be fun...talk at you laterz.

My continued stance on (no) prop 8

Continuation of the (no) prop 8 stance of which I hold - this is my response to a dear friend:

Perhaps if we understood why the individuals chose this life in the first place...perhaps everyone would be more understanding of their decisions and way of life. There are many of those whom are same sex attracted who were molested by those with authority ...so their understanding of what is right has been damaged...and forever will be. So does that make it right...no....but does it make it right for anyone else not involved to assume that one made their decision to love one of the same sex purely by their own will. Or perhaps is it all they understand due to that one moment as a child when they simply had no choice in the issue?!? Again...who am I to be the judge of Israel for anyone...it is not my choice...nor should it be yours. All that we can do as true Christians...is to love everyone...regardless of who they are or what they stand for. And so I choose to support those who may not understand why they have been given the choice to love one of the same sex. I love unconditionally.

ps: I am not saying that all or the majority of those whom are gay were molested...I do not walk the path of each individual...however, I do know many of my own friends and performer friends...who were molested by those with some sort of authority over them. This changing forever the way that they personally view sex and view sexual behavior.

My argument: People...regardless of where they come from and their belief system...have no right to take away anyone elses freedom to love...that and only that moral decision can be God alone. It is our place to love that person...and rather than finding the differences between us...rather find what brings us closer together.

Post Jersey Boys Audition - Children Shows - Facebook - (NO)Prop 8

It has been a while since I last wrote an entry on my blog...about a week...and though that is much less time then many of my family or friends....it is a long time for me. So here is the news in relation to my audition. In prepping for my audition my agent had requested that I prepare with a lot of Jersey swagger...what is Jersey swagger you might ask...well if you have ever seen the Soprano's...that is Jersey swagger. So I prepared with the information I was given. Now, as one who has seen "Jersey Boys" the musical, I knew that the character I was up for was a little more flamboyant then most in the show. So I was a bit confused as to why I was given that information. I was prepared...and well prepared at that...so as I went into the large room at Chelsea Studios on 26th street between 6th and 7th avenue...I felt that I was ready to go. I was dressed in all black, black tie, black dress shoes...I look amazing (I mean really...when do I not - lol.) As I began my song everything went well...the production team was supportive of my choice. Then as I began to share my lines that I was asked to prepare...they asked me where my flamboyant self was. I was confused...because from my agents standpoint...that was the last thing that they wanted to see. So I left the audition room...still confused as to what had happened...and called my agent up immediately...a little mad...and requested that she call the Casting company and explain what had just happened. ( I was told incorrect information to prepare.) Anyway...the amazing Merri Sugarman told my agent that she would like to take some time with me...the next time she see's me...to go over some stuff...because she feels I am talented enough...and there is something very intriquing about me that she would like to see on stage. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS...BUT I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THE FINAL RESULT. Oh the life of a performer...oy!

Recently I have had the opportunity to Manage and Direct a couple of childrens shows around the country. It has been both enjoyable...and stressful beyond belief. My hopes is to eventually run my own company...mainly because I feel I can do better myself. (lol - I love how I always feel I could do a better job myself...when I clearly have no idea how much *@&% people have to deal with - or do I?).

I am currently a member of facebook - I love how everyone considers you a friend...even people I clearly have never met. lol. I am curious though...I recently had someone who completely did me wrong request to be my friend. How do I react to that...do I just excuse the last six months of frustration with this individual and a connection of lies just pass and let them be my friend...or do I simply just ignore them...obviously...no interaction with this person is better than any interaction with them...so I ignored them. Was I wrong to do so?

Just recently I have had people argue with me on my personal belief to support NO on prop 8...which obviously at this point lost in California. My belief is this...if people desire to be married to one of the same sex...who am I to take away their happiness. One thing I learned on my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was that I am no Judge of Israel...and it is not my place to decide the happiness or unhappiness of others. When people feel that they are supported and loved...that is when change or a difference can be made. It is very similar to that of a child...when a parent or a guardian lowers themself to the eyes of a child...and speaks to them directly...not pushing them..or bullying them...or forcing them to believe or do something that they ask...that is when the child takes their own steps and desires to make change for themselves. Perhaps if the members of the church...could speak to those who deal with same sex attraction in the same demeanor...perhaps more could be understood and done. I love the church in NYC...because all are welcome and do not feel out of place...the members in NYC reach out their arms of understanding...and would never donate so much money to a cause in a completely different part of the country. Its rediculous.

Anyway...had to share some of my thoughts...I hope this finds all of you well.